Cancer & Slimeball

ttto: Gee Officer Krupke, Leonard Bernstein

Here's ... Energizer Bunny, and power is his game.
           In power there is money, in power there is fame.
           Some lawyers are like bunnies; power is their thing.
           It's about two lawyers that I sing.

           They're "Cancer & Slimeball" in this little song.
           They're out to make their name but I will not play along.
           They have other names I can't use anywhere -
           As a child I learned not to swear.     (... not to swear)

   Not to swear, I declare, it's hard not to swear,
   With Cancers & Slimeballs everywhere.

Five ...   Thousand times they posted; they had green cards to sell.
           In every Newsgroup boasted they'd represent you well
           There's only one small problem: each message they sent
           Was off-topic everywhere it went.

           Oh it's pretty plain neither one understands
           If green cards ain't the topic you're to sit on your hands.
           They're being defiant, they show no regret,
           It's time to kick them off the Net.   ( the Net)

   Off the Net, off the Net, off the Internet
   Kick them off the planet, better yet.

Their ...  Messages distressed us - the flaming did begin.
           But lawyers have asbestos where normal folks have skin.
           A hundred meg of protests - they met 'em with a shrug.
           Those who fed them finally pulled the plug.

           Internet Direct took their address off line,
           For breaking an agreement they took care not to sign.
           They've lost their address now, what are they to do?
           Now they are threatening to sue.   (... ing to sue)

   "We will sue, we will sue, that's what lawyers do,
   And if you complain we'll sue you too."

Hey ...    Cancer, Slimeball, listen, this lawsuit's way off base.
           Although your canines glisten, you haven't got a case.
           You don't have a signed contract, as you should recall.
           Cancer, Slimeball:  what a load'a gall.

           Shakespeare had it right when he said do them in.
           It's been four hundred years now and it's time to begin.
           I've found a new use for Energizer Hare;
           Bun, can you juice the 'lectric chair?   (... 'lectric chair)

   'Lectric chair, 'lectric chair, the electric chair.
   Hey you two, please sit here if you dare.

The trouble is they're crazy
The trouble is they're sane.
The trouble is they say they're gonna' do it again.
The trouble's they're lawyers.
The trouble's they're jerks.
There'll be lots more 'troubles' if this works.

         Oh Cancer & Slimeball, they're sharks in the Net.
         These clowns'll make a grab for everything they can get.
         They think what they've done's fine; they haven't a clue -
         Hey, Cancer & Slimeball --- Filk You.

lyrics: Copyright 1994, 1997 Rich Brown