A Barbarian's Lot


Created for DragonRealms™
Written to be sung to "A Policeman's Lot" aka "When a felon's not engaged in his employment" from The Pirates of Penzance, Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan (used without permission, but I believe its copyright is expired).

How sad that I should be the means by which my fellow creatures are deprived of that health and welfare that is so important to us all.
But I should have thought of that BEFORE I joined the guild.

When the ship rats aren't destroying the whole shipyard, (The whole shipyard!)
Or eating everything that is in sight, (Is in sight!)
They will moan, like us, about how life is so hard, (Life is so hard!)
And they feed their many children, as is right. (As is right!)

And too, the hog-- when she's not charging hikers--, (Charging hikers!)
Likes to wallow in a pleasant muddy bath, (Muddy bath!)
So it seems quite hard that we must go and pike her, (Go and pike her!)
And I sometimes fear the God of all Hogs' wrath.

With all those weapon levels to be won,
To be won!
The barbarian guild is not all games and fun.
Games and fun.

When the goblin isn't smiting and marauding, (And marauding!)
He enjoys his pleasant games of cards and dice, (Cards and dice!)
And although the folks at Crossing are applauding, (Are applauding!)
I fear that goblin skewing isn't nice. (Isn't nice.)

And as for crocs and gators by the dozens, (By the dozens!)
They like to lie a dozing in the sun. (In the sun!)
And all those nasty wood trolls and their cousins, (And their cousins!)
Enjoy a hearty feast when killing's done.

With all the fighting skills that must be learned
Must be learned.
A barbarian's fame is very sadly earned
Sadly earned!

I have pondered long about my sad profession, (Sad profession!)
And thought the empath's way was rather nice. (Rather nice!)
But alas I fear my temper, and aggression, (And aggression!)
Would end that career pathway in a trice. (In a trice!)

So perhaps the ways of magic and of learning, (And of learning!)
Would be a better path to choose by far, (Choose by far!)
But I fear, although for wisdom I am yearning, (I am yearning!)
My intelligence is slightly under par,

Because I'm dumb, and always on a spree
On a spree!
A barbarian's life's the only one for me
One for me!

If you are dumb and always in a stew
In a stew!
The barbarian's life's the only one for you
One for you!

Copyright © 2000 Michelle Bottorff