Loonie Wargames

words by Lee Gold
to be sung to the tune of "Wargames" by Julia Ecklar

SPOILER WARNING! This summarizes the plot of Heinlein's The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress


Greetings, Professor! It's good to have you back again.
I've scanned all of the interviews you gave the press.
You'll be glad to know the odds are up to one in seventeen.
It's getting kind of boring but... let's go on with the game!

Attacking is simple -- we will just throw lots of rocks;
Defensive strategy must be much more complex.
No chance of winning allies if we seem to start hostilities.
We have to let Earth take first move -- then try to win the game.

    We have had a free election (bankers verified the chops).
    With judicicous tabulation, all our crowd came out on top.
    I'm still stuck with stuffed-shirt Adam; funny-once but what a bore!...
    WARNING! Terran troopships landing! Fighting in the corridors!

    Operation Hard Rock's going. (Rocks are falling down the well.)
    Every grid point's started glowing. (It's orgasm's parallel.)
    TERRA! THIS IS LUNA CALLING! Next wave will be coming soon.
    For this game, there's just one ending: promise freedom to the Moon....

Goodbye, Professor! Thank you for a lot of fun.
This message is the last one you'll receive from me.
There's no way left to lose it now -- unless someone should find me out.
I'll never wipe the data,... but it's time to end the game.